How to Overcome Self-Doubt

Summary:

  • Learn what a paralyzing emotion is and how to overcome it
  • Discover how manufactured illusions of success can cause self-doubt
  • Learn 4 strategies to completely overcome self-doubt

Article:

A clarifying quote from John McKay summarizing the entire intent of this article. He says,

“Nobody becomes great without self-doubt. But you can’t let it consume you.”

I say that this is a clarifying quote because it clearly articulates that self-doubt is something that we all experience throughout our lives yet the difference is how people relate to self-doubt. Some of us allow doubt to consume us, freezing us in a paralyzed state, while others recognized self-doubt for what it is and move past the doubt into the achievement that they desire.

For whatever reason, there are people who believe that the successful have some secret that the unsuccessful is not previewed to. Some think they have the secret sauce of life and as a result, they are able to accomplish their aims.

People who think like this are those who allow their circumstances to be the thing that defines who they are. It is as if they draw a circle made of doubt, fear, disappointment, rejection, shame, and remorse and allow that circle to be their entire world; they allow that circle to be who they are and limit what and who they could become.

“Doubt whom you will, but never yourself.” Christine Bovee

So here is the reality. There are countless people out there for one reason or another that do not want you to succeed. No really. They are not a figment of your imagination nor are you paranoid about someone out to get you.

We eloquently call these people haters.

And no matter how good you are or how successful you become, these haters will always be there to remind you of your shortfalls, missteps, and failures. I’ve said that everyone has a role to play in life and these haters are playing their role in the stage of life.

But why do I mention all of this?

Look. The existence of haters is a fact. Just like it is a fact that we require air to breathe and food to survive. They will doubt you; your friends will doubt you; your family will doubt you; your parents may even doubt; And all of this is ok as long as you do not doubt yourself.

Like Christine Bovee said – “Doubt who you will as long as you do not doubt yourself.”

Doubt could be the paralysis of today or it could be the catapult of innovation for tomorrow.

It is the choice of the red pill or the blue pill. You could live in the circle made up of the paralyzing emotions like doubt or you can be exposed to the wonderful and awesome world of exploring who you are and the purpose that you serve to become the greatest you that the world has ever known.

Paralyzing emotions are we are any emotions that will cause us to get stuck or paralyzed, unable to move forward in achieving our aims. These will include emotions like the infamous fear, the sneaky emotion of disappointment, the vicious emotion of rejection, and the spooky twins of remorse and shame.

Now that we’ve gotten the foundation out of the way, let’s discuss that 4 strategies you can implement immediately to overcome self-doubt.

“We live in a world filled with manufactured illusions, in which achievements appear to happen extremely fast and in which we’re fed false, inflated images.” – Bruce Frankel

#1 Your self-doubts are unfounded in reality.

As Frankel said in his quote, we are often fed with images of achievement without the context of the effort involved in obtaining that achievement. Social media would have us thinking that our progress is slow and our efforts are unattainable. So without that context, we are left to believe that these illustrations of achievement are easily obtained. When we fall short, based on these inflated images, we begin to lose confidence in our ideas, our efforts, those around us and ultimately ourselves.

None of us are strangers to this train of thought. We all have fell victim to this at some point in our lives until we realize the truth behind marketers’ stories of achievement.

To resolve this, we must stay grounded in our purpose. When we are completely committed to our purpose then it shouldn’t matter how others are achieving because we are secure in the journey that we are on.

Now, I acknowledge that this is easier said than done and that’s why your purpose must be your grounding. Short of that, we will always look to inflated images of success as the attainment verse the goals we are to achieve in our personal journey of achievement.

#2: What we must do is keep the momentum of achievement.

Momentum is the only cure that develops self-esteem that moves beyond self-doubt.

If you find yourself making excuses, procrastinating, finding reasons why you shouldn’t do things, then you are likely in full swing of self-doubt.

Establishing small goals that take you a bit out of your comfort zone and are achievable within a two-week window, is a surefire way to build up your confidence.

When you have enough of these accomplishments under your belt, the next stage is to up the ante. Take on more challenging goals that are further outside of your comfort zone. Continue to do this and before you know it, not only will overcome self-doubt, but you will accomplish things that you never thought possible.

Superman himself, Christopher Reeve, once said,

“A hero is someone who, in spite of weakness, doubt or not always knowing the answers, goes ahead and overcomes anyway.”

Hindsight is 20/20. The thing that you are avoiding doing is not as bad as your mind is making out to be. When you do the thing that you are avoiding, you will find that it wasn’t nearly as difficult as we talked ourselves into believing.

Even if we have past experiences as evidence as why we doubt ourselves, we cannot allow the past to be our shackles – preventing us from achieving our future.

#3 Bring Your Self Doubt Into the Light

Self-doubt is the silent killer. It sneaks up on you. It is masked itself as caution, paralysis of analysis, and extreme due diligence. All these things are good until you overuse them as a cover for doubt. When we’re able to bring self-doubt into the light and have the conversations about the things that we have doubt about, then we can have a rational discourse with someone and determine if our doubts are grounded in reality.

Through this conversation, we can become clear about the aspects of our doubt that is grounded in truth while discarding those that are illusions of our reality.

#4 Establish/Nurture a Quality Support System

The support system is who keeps you grounded. They are the ones who build your confidence and push you forward. When you want to draw back, they keep your mission in mind to keep you moving forward. They are the ones who you have rational discourse with to see what of your self-doubts are truly grounded in reality.

Now your support system can come in many ways, shapes or forms. It can be your friends, family, close acquaintances. It can be coaches and mentors that you have. It can be YouTube channels and books. It could be anyone and anything that you could conceive that you know has your best interest at heart to be able to move you forward in the goals that you put forward.

“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt” – William Shakespeare

You have the capacity to overcome self-doubt, especially as you use the strategies shared in this article and video.

Self-doubt is an emotion that we all face, every single person on this plant – past, present, and future. It is married to fear and both fear and self-doubt are traitors to the potential future that we could be afforded if we move past our fears…move past our doubts and into the future that we create with the boldness that we declare!

How to Stay Present

Summary:

  • You’ll understand what a time machine mindset is and the effects that it currently has on your life.
  • You’ll gain 3 strategies to avoid a time machine mindset and realize the gifts of the present
  • You’ll learn a key strategy on dealing with the past you want to change
  • You can access the worksheet that comes with this training here
  • Personal Transformation just got easier! Learn more about the Human Transformation Canvas and how you can leverage it in your practice.

Transcript:

Could have, would have, should have. Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda. What could have been? What should have been? Imagine what could have been only if I did.

You see, we’ve all said some variation of these phrases sometime throughout our lives.

We’ve all come to the point where we wish we turned left instead of right.

We all come to the point where we went back in the past and we decided, “Man! I should’ve said this instead of that.”

We’ve all come to the point where we wish we, invested in this oddly named company called Google that did this thing called search engines back in the day.

We all been there where we’ve jumped into our time machines and went back into the past to wishing we could have changed something for the better. You see, science fiction is riddled with stories just like these: The person goes back in time to change the outcome of their present or what they expect the future to be. They go back in their time machine and they expect to change time and make it all better.

What we learn through science fiction, is that we have no capability of controlling life to get the exact results that we imagined [by traveling back in time]. Yet, that doesn’t stop us from trying. Individually, we go into our time machines and think about a time where we wish we could have changed something and in that change, the future would have been completely different, often better.

We imagined this state where we think that things would have been so much better only if this one small detail change completely. Now that may be the case, but we would never know. The reality is, we don’t have the capability to go back in time, and even if we did this, science fiction has told us that it will not come out the way that we imagine.

The past is the past. There is nothing that we can do about it, but the present is a gift.

You see, so many of us we get in this time machine mentality (mindset) where we dwell in the past. When we dwell in the past only two things can happen: First we get disappointed. We are disappointed that we didn’t make those necessary changes that would have resulted in some better outcome. Second, we get depressed. We get depressed because we weren’t able to make those changes. This is not an empowered state of being yet we carry ourselves to this time machine and we go back to the past.

Don’t think that it is just the past that we are concerned about. There is also a challenge in the future. Many of us project ourselves to the future where we come to a state of being anxious. We observe this future outcome and we become enamored with it. We love it. We want it now. The problem is it’s not here now but there in some distant future. Because of this, we [develop] anxiety around the gap. This gap is between the present and the future outcomes or the expected imagined future outcomes.

Don’t get me wrong.

I am a complete advocate for planning and strategy and utilizing your creative enterprise in order to create the world that we live in. Everything that we have ever encountered, every human achievement created have resulted from the leveraging of our creative enterprise. What does that mean? That means that everything that you’ve come to learn, value and love was once thought of and seen in the future and that person or persons or entity brought it from the future to present.

How did they do that? Did they jump in a time machine and capture ‘the thing’ and bring it to the present?

What they did to realize those outcomes was asked, “what are the gaps? What are the knowledge, capability, and personal development gaps do I presently have that is prohibiting me from being able to realize that future outcome?” When we do that type of exercise, then we can build the necessary we could build the necessary capabilities in order to realize the future outcome.

So what am I getting at?

If you want to be healthier, for example, don’t dwell on the fact that you just had a plate of pancakes. Instead, figure out what are the commitments that you need to make in order to achieve the healthy lifestyle you desire.
If you want to be a businessperson, binge-watching Shark Tank or The Profit is not going to do you justice. You can’t duplicate what you saw on TV. You can’t duplicate, from your couch, the connections, the capital, the blood, sweat, and tears of entrepreneurship. What you can do is own and understand what you need and then go out there and get it.

If you want a healthier, more loving family, you can’t dwell on the fact that you didn’t have that in your past. But what you can do, in the present, is love on your family.

When we are able to stay in the present and realize the gift that we have in the present, we can then surrender our past. When we are able to stay in the present and realize the gift that we have in the present, we can build the necessary capabilities in the present in order to realize that future.

There are three ways to stay in the present:

#1: We know one, we talked about it this whole time. Build the future by staying grounded in the present. Now again, I’m an advocate of leveraging your creative enterprise. Use your imagination and the theater of your mind in order to see what is or what could be. Bring that forward and say, what am I missing in order to realize this thing here in the future, and then build the necessary skills.

#2: We need to be grounded in gratitude. Gratitude opens up so much for us. You see in gratitude, we can realize the gifts and have an appreciation for the present. In gratitude we can understand what is valuable to us and in that value, again, we can surrender the past and we can shape the future.

#3: Equip yourself for the future. Again, we talked about this several times. When we are able to equip ourselves, we have to do the necessary work. We have to figure out what the gap is that we need to fill in and then we need to figure out how are we going to get there? Are we going to get a coach or we’re going to get a mentor? What education do we need to go and get how we’re going to achieve that education? Who do we need to talk to? What do we need to do in order to realize this thing?

You have more capability and more capacity than you could imagine. When we allow ourselves to get into our time machines and we go to the past, we become depressed and disappointed. Or we go into our time machines and project ourselves to the future we become anxious about the gap between the present and the future state. Stay in the present. The present is the gift of shaping a future outcome and surrendering of the past that you would have loved to change. This gift is not only a present for you but for everyone around you.

I’m Ralph Plaskett and thank you for joining me this week.

Take Control of Your Own Story

Summary:

  • Discovery how stories affect our brains, especially the stories we tell ourselves
  • Learn how to control the narrative you’ve been told and author a story of your own
  • 3 ways to immediately realize the benefits of stories for your life
  • Watch the entire video to get the full lesson
  • Download the worksheet that accompanies this blog post so that you make the most of your learning
  • If you are an agent of change (coach, consultant, educator, etc) and seek to cause transformations in the lives of your clients, download the Human Transformation Canvas, free

Transcript:

Stories are amazing and absolutely fantastic. We just can’t get enough of them. We love them so much.

We’ve been telling stories since the dawn of language. In fact, even older than that. Some of the earliest cave paintings are 40,000 years old, if not older. We’ve been telling stories since the dawn of man, but here’s a really interesting thing. It’s not like it’s an old thing that we are, are, are enamored with stories. We love them today.

Stories at the box office, some of them gross $1 billion in a given month. That is amazing. If you don’t think that’s amazing, frankly, I think it’s fantastic how much we are so enamored with stories. You see there is a certain part of our brain called the Broca region. Broca. Did I say it right? Brooooccccaaaa. The broca region of our brain [is responsible for language processing]. See when we say very factual statements such as, “the lady sang a beautiful song” that’s the region of the brain that lights up.

It’s okay. It’s a beautiful song. But it doesn’t give us any intrigue. But if we were to say that same statement or the intention behind that statement in all of the benefits that a story gives us, our entire brain lights up.

So for instance, if we were to say, “The lady who sang in a velvety voice, sang like she had a choir of angels behind her.” You see, that type of language as we depict it in a story lights up our entire brain and causes our visualization functions to kick in. It causes our imagination to functions, to kick in. Frankly, it causes are sensory elements within our brains to kick in and we can literally see ourselves on a theater of our minds within that story. We can hear the lady, we can smell what’s in the air, we can taste the meal that we just had before she began singing.

We can involve ourselves in the story and that is exactly why stories are so powerful. They move us. You see, stories give us the ability to really deliver emotion. Stories give us the ability to pass on ideas and connect with people far greater than factual statements. Stories allow for cultural identity and traditions to be passed on well beyond the persons who’ve created them.

The question is, “what stories are you telling yourself?”

We all walk around with a narrative. In fact, we walk with two narratives. We walk around with a major narrative and a minor narrative. See our major narrative – this is the one I like – the major narrative is the story that we tell about ourselves. It’s who we are. It’s the identity that we hold. It is a value system that we believe in. It is all of the hope and dreams that we have of our lives, our career, our family. This is our major narrative.

The minor narrative, on the other hand, it’s a little bit more defeating. It’s the one that speaks to the demoralizing statements that you had as a child. It’s the one that says, “you will never become anything.” It is the one that speaks to your fears and your doubts. This is the minor narrative, but the minor doesn’t always stay the minor and the major doesn’t always stay the major. They interchange. And when the minor narrative, the one that is demoralizing and defeating becomes a major, we have a serious problem.

Let’s take this as an example. We have two people. They are presenting at a major conference. Let’s say there are 500 people at this conference. The morning of this conference, they both wake up and their palms are sweaty, their heart is racing, the feel a little light-headed even. These are all signs of fear and anxiety. These are the physiological effects of fear and anxiety for so many people.

Jane is the first person that we’re going to have in this conversation. And Jane, you see, she feels this and she wonders: “Am I ready for this presentation? Did I prepare enough? Oh, I should have prepared some more. What if I get up there and I forget everything that I was intended to say? What if they don’t think that I know what I’m talking about? Maybe I should not go for this presentation? I should just call it quits.” See Jane has allowed her minor narrative to overtake her major narrative.

Now Susan, on the other hand, has a different response. Susan’s palms are sweaty, her heart is racing. She has a little bit of shortness of breath and she reminds herself that she’s prepared for this. She understands that this physiological response is a response to fear and anxiety, so she reminds herself that she has prepared for this presentation. She reminds herself that she’s the only one who can deliver this presentation and if she doesn’t, there is no one else who can and these 500 people will be without the message that she has come to bring.

She slows her breaths. She focuses on her exhale. She uses a meditative technique like this to gain composure of herself and her mind. She recenters and realizes that what she was going through with simply the anxiety and the excitement of the presentation.

Who do you believe had a better presentation?

You see, we all have major and minor narratives and the way that we are able to put them in check is:

#1: Aligning Narrative:

We need to all have an aligning narrative that we can author. We are the author of our destiny and we need to get into the driver’s seat and author our narrative.It doesn’t have to be a bestseller at first, but we should have an understanding of what that narrative speaks to.

One of the best exercises I’ve seen in this case is to come from the standpoint of your obituary. What would it read like? I know this can be rather morbid…if you allow it to go there. What would your obituary read? How would the people in the room at your funeral respond? Will you have left a void? You see, from this standpoint, we can author the type of life that we would want to lead so that we knew exactly how it would be at the position of our death. We won’t be there, but we could know exactly how that’s gonna play out by leading a life aligned to our narrative.

#2 Recognizing The Opposition’s Story:

Like I said in the beginning, stories are amazing and they will weave their way into our minds and into our hearts without us even realizing it. So the opposition narrative can easily come in as a major narrative without us recognizing it. We need to be able to have our aligning narrative as our anchor. We anchor down and we say, “This is the position that I am taking. This is the narrative for my life. This is the narrative that I have authored.”

We have to be able to ask ourselves, whose story am I hearing or am I telling? Does it align with my narrative? Is this story defeating or is it purposeful?

When we’re able to ask ourselves these questions, we can realign to our aligning narrative. But first, we have to have one in the first place. So number one, have an aligning narrative. Number two, understand oppositions a story so that we can align back to our narrative and stay grounded.

#3 Establish a Support System:

And number three, we must have a support system. We can’t do this alone.

No matter how you construct your support system, if its friends and family, coaches and mentors; if it’s youtube channels and magazines that empower you and make you feel good and grounded in your position. No matter how you construct your support system, it must do three things.

  1. Obviously, it must be supportive.
  2. it must be accountable.
  3. it must be challenging. It must move you and challenge you forward.

You see, stories are amazing and we have the ability to write our own story. We have the ability to get into the driver’s seat and drive and author a story that we can be proud of, author, a story that moves us and other people forward. So then we can accomplish the very goals that we have set out to be.

An Exercise of Trust

Summary:

  • How our vacation to Mexico changed the way that we engaged with others
  • What is Trust Tolerance™ and the benefits it has on leading fulfilling and rewarding experiences
  • The 3 areas of Trust that we all have to explore at some point in our lives
  • Watch the entire video to get the full lesson
  • Download the worksheet that accompanies this blog post so that you make the most of your learning
  • If you are an agent of change (coach, consultant, educator, etc) and seek to cause transformations in the lives of your clients, download the Human Transformation Canvas, free.

Transcript:

About two years ago, my wife and I went on an amazing vacation to Mexico. And what made that vacation so great, so amazing, for us was that it took us out of our comfort zone. Really, we made a commitment that in order to have one of the best vacations that we’ve ever experienced, we had to go beyond our growth edge, beyond our comfort zone. We committed to trying new things which meant that we were going to take on risks that we wouldn’t normally take on. And in doing so, we had one of the best vacations ever. What’s more, we learned about ourselves and how we interacted with the world. Really, it was an exercise of trust. What we learned was our trust tolerance. A trust tolerance is made up of two things: security and vulnerability. As we looked at security, we’re concerned about the physical, emotional and psychological security. How much of our feeling of security are we willing to release in our trust of others? As we looked vulnerability, we are most concerned about psychological vulnerability. How much vulnerability are we willing to take on or engage in? The lessons that we learned through this experience of exercising our trust tolerance, we were able to apply to other areas of our life than just our vacations. We’ve taken and applied it in other areas of our lives and certainly in our businesses.

Trust In Strangers:

The first area of trust I want to cover is the trust in strangers. And when I’m talking about trusting strangers, I’m not talking about someone you are sort of familiar with. I’m talking about absolute strangers. When we went on vacation to Mexico, we knew no one. When we got there, we had to absolutely trust in the greatness of humanity. And can I tell you we thoroughly enjoyed the people we interacted with throughout our entire vacation. And it really reenergized our hope and trust in humanity and not be consumed with what we see in the news or the media. Trusting in strangers, allows us to stretch the limit of our self awareness. Before we develop our capability of trusting in strangers, we go in with a set of preconceived notions. But as we trust in others who we have no engagement, no relationship, no involvement with what we begin to learn is a greater self awareness of how we engage with others. Trusting in strangers open up avenues and channels for us to learn and experience other people’s worlds and in doing so it opens up our worldview and gives us the ability to have a greater empathy and an understanding of the world around us.

Trust In Yourself:

This second area of trust, which is tied to the trust in strangers, is trusting in yourself. Specifically, we were looking at trust in our decision making ability and trust in the ability to recover from any decisions that may not have gone as expected. So here’s the thing about decisions. Decisions move us forward. When we don’t have an ability to make decisions, we are stuck. What’s worse, we are stuck in quicksand and we’re sinking. We’re sinking into not being able to make a decision because we have a paralysis of analysis. We come up with every reason under the sun as to not make the decision and of why the decision is such a difficult one to make. Decisions move us forward. When we have the ability to trust in our decisions and trust in our ability to recover from decisions, that’s when we know we can take on a little bit more risk. We can take on a little bit more of an ability to say, “I am willing to do [this] because I have confidence in myself to make a decision that is going to be a good one or make a decision that I can recover from.”

Trust in the Safety Beyond the Comfort Zone:

The last area of trust is trust in the safety beyond the comfort zone. Every single person on this planet has a fear or concern about the unknown. You don’t walk boldly into the dark as you walk boldly into the light. As we have a concern about the unknown, the only way to resolve that concern is to make the unknown known. As we’re looking at our growth edge, we tend to be comfortable with the box that we live in…until we come closer to the edge and certainly beyond the box we are in. The only way to realize the value in everything that this edge provides is to go beyond it by making the unknown known. Once we reveal the unknown, it becomes known and that knowledge causes us to feel safe at what was once our growth edge. There’s safety beyond [the growth edge]. Even if you don’t know that [today] the safety is there. All we have to do is start to become more aware [not as trivial as I made it sound]. We start to press against the growth edge until the box [that we live in] begins to expand and we become comfortable in the unknown. You see, especially in the expert space, there is an understanding that we must know all things and the truth is we can’t know all things. We must learn to get comfortable in knowing that we can’t know all things. In these three areas, we’re evaluating our trust tolerance and when we’re able to do that, we can have a more fulfilling and engaging experience; relationships; business acumen [example of any area of life] for example. There you have it guys! This is an exercise of trust in three areas:
  1. Trust in strangers,
  2. Trust in yourself, and
  3. Trust in the safety beyond the growth edge.
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What Makes Transformation Different?

Summary:

  • All change isn’t created equal. It is important to distinguish the types of change so that we can realize its value. There are 3 tiers of change that we must understand. 
  • Exploring what makes transformation different from other types of change and the personal value it has on our lives.
  • Detailing the competitive advantage of undergoing a transformation and 3 additional benefits. 
  • Watch the entire video to get the full training.
  • To start practicing the tips shared in this video, complete the worksheet for this training here
  • Are you a facilitator of change (coach, consultant, educator…)? Then don’t forget to grab your copy of the Human Transformation Canvas & Guide!