Superhuman Ability of Boundaries

Superman, Spider Gwen, Ironman, Wonder Woman, and every other superhero establishes a practice that helps them stay grounded and allows for normalcy in their lives.

This simple, yet profoundly helpful practice, is called [establishing and maintaining] boundaries. Yes. Boundaries. Imaginary walls around areas of your life that protect your heart, mind, and soul while you pursue your aims.

Establishing Boundaries

The boundaries that we erect in our lives are similar to the ones that we put up in the physical world. They serve the purpose of protecting the things on the inside from the stuff on the outside that may do harm.

As general of a definition, this may be, the goal of the boundaries is to place distinct separation of the various part of our lives. The superheroes that I mentioned earlier wear costumes and masks which are examples of a boundary that separates their personal and public lives.

When we are in complete pursuit of our goals and aspirations, there is often a need to erect boundaries between work and life, side hustle and parenting, public and private. This becomes increasingly muddy in today’s society where the physical separation of these polarities is no longer clear. If it wasn’t difficult enough before, establishing and maintaining boundaries is a skill that we must learn to have healthy relationships.

Here is a bit of a paradox…boundaries are as much for us as it is for others. In other words, they aren’t about simply keeping people out as much as it is to make life more enjoyable. This is done by establishing what is and isn’t acceptable. Boundaries allow you to understand what your limits are which reduces chances of confrontation, frustration, anxiety, and stress. Boundaries support your well-being.

Here are 8 benefits of establishing and maintaining boundaries:

  1. Creates you to be more Self-Aware: Being self-aware is the ultimate superhuman capability that is the art of recognizing your needs and feelings as completely your own and not those tied to another person or your environment. Creating your own boundaries is the manifestation of your self-awareness.
  2. Creates you to have better relationships: Your increased self-awareness creates in you an ability to be more compassionate and empathetic towards others. As a result, you are likely to have better relationships. What’s more, as you set clear boundaries you can have more engaging relations without fear or concern of crossing a boundary.
  3. Creates you to have less stress: When we don’t create boundaries, we inadvertently create conditions that cause more stress. Stress is the foremost enemy of well-being so we must do everything to protect ourselves from situations that cause increased or unnecessary stress.
  4. Creates you to have more Self-Care: The most compassionate people who tend to give of themselves to everyone else often have the lowest self-care practice. When boundaries are established, then there can be more focus on your well being. And here is the best part – when you are taking care of your self, then you are well able to take care of others.
  5. Creates you to be a better communicator: It may seem easy on the surface to say what you want and don’t want but it can be a challenging conversation especially with those who have not respected the little boundaries you may have had in the past. Expressing your needs and wants are powerful declarations that provide unprecedented transparency.
  6. Creates you to be less frustrated: Nothing feels more frustrating than when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries…except, they didn’t know you had any. Establishing boundaries reduces emotions like frustration because of the level of transparency that you provide in how you want and need to be treated.
  7. Creates you to be more assertive: ‘No’ is a small word but can be a powerful boundary. ‘No’ has the ability to shape an environment that allows you to live more fully in your self-expression. And ‘No’ isn’t intended to close you off from life but to open you up to your priorities.
  8. Creates you to be more expressive: Since you are not bogged down with the needs of others, you are liberated to do the things you never had time to do.

Take the time during this quarantine period to discover the boundaries that you need to erect to support your well-being.

Coaches and Educators

Boundaries are increasingly important in this post-COVID-19 world that we find ourselves in. Support your clients and students by ensuring they understand what boundaries are and how they can be used to support their personal mastery and well-being.

Planning 2020 and Beyond

We do it every new year. We establish goals, create plans, and develop resolutions. These aims are usually filled with the desires of achieving new status symbols of some sort. But what if we walked into the new year with intentions around the feelings we seek to have? All of our desires for material achievements are often a pursuit of the feelings we yearn for. We seek happiness, security, confidence, etc. 

In this episode, we cover how you can create the best year ever by intentionally generating a positive mental state. 

Find me on social…





How to Stay Present


  • You’ll understand what a time machine mindset is and the effects that it currently has on your life.
  • You’ll gain 3 strategies to avoid a time machine mindset and realize the gifts of the present
  • You’ll learn a key strategy on dealing with the past you want to change
  • You can access the worksheet that comes with this training here
  • Personal Transformation just got easier! Learn more about the Human Transformation Canvas and how you can leverage it in your practice.


Could have, would have, should have. Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda. What could have been? What should have been? Imagine what could have been only if I did.

You see, we’ve all said some variation of these phrases sometime throughout our lives.

We’ve all come to the point where we wish we turned left instead of right.

We all come to the point where we went back in the past and we decided, “Man! I should’ve said this instead of that.”

We’ve all come to the point where we wish we, invested in this oddly named company called Google that did this thing called search engines back in the day.

We all been there where we’ve jumped into our time machines and went back into the past to wishing we could have changed something for the better. You see, science fiction is riddled with stories just like these: The person goes back in time to change the outcome of their present or what they expect the future to be. They go back in their time machine and they expect to change time and make it all better.

What we learn through science fiction, is that we have no capability of controlling life to get the exact results that we imagined [by traveling back in time]. Yet, that doesn’t stop us from trying. Individually, we go into our time machines and think about a time where we wish we could have changed something and in that change, the future would have been completely different, often better.

We imagined this state where we think that things would have been so much better only if this one small detail change completely. Now that may be the case, but we would never know. The reality is, we don’t have the capability to go back in time, and even if we did this, science fiction has told us that it will not come out the way that we imagine.

The past is the past. There is nothing that we can do about it, but the present is a gift.

You see, so many of us we get in this time machine mentality (mindset) where we dwell in the past. When we dwell in the past only two things can happen: First we get disappointed. We are disappointed that we didn’t make those necessary changes that would have resulted in some better outcome. Second, we get depressed. We get depressed because we weren’t able to make those changes. This is not an empowered state of being yet we carry ourselves to this time machine and we go back to the past.

Don’t think that it is just the past that we are concerned about. There is also a challenge in the future. Many of us project ourselves to the future where we come to a state of being anxious. We observe this future outcome and we become enamored with it. We love it. We want it now. The problem is it’s not here now but there in some distant future. Because of this, we [develop] anxiety around the gap. This gap is between the present and the future outcomes or the expected imagined future outcomes.

Don’t get me wrong.

I am a complete advocate for planning and strategy and utilizing your creative enterprise in order to create the world that we live in. Everything that we have ever encountered, every human achievement created have resulted from the leveraging of our creative enterprise. What does that mean? That means that everything that you’ve come to learn, value and love was once thought of and seen in the future and that person or persons or entity brought it from the future to present.

How did they do that? Did they jump in a time machine and capture ‘the thing’ and bring it to the present?

What they did to realize those outcomes was asked, “what are the gaps? What are the knowledge, capability, and personal development gaps do I presently have that is prohibiting me from being able to realize that future outcome?” When we do that type of exercise, then we can build the necessary we could build the necessary capabilities in order to realize the future outcome.

So what am I getting at?

If you want to be healthier, for example, don’t dwell on the fact that you just had a plate of pancakes. Instead, figure out what are the commitments that you need to make in order to achieve the healthy lifestyle you desire.
If you want to be a businessperson, binge-watching Shark Tank or The Profit is not going to do you justice. You can’t duplicate what you saw on TV. You can’t duplicate, from your couch, the connections, the capital, the blood, sweat, and tears of entrepreneurship. What you can do is own and understand what you need and then go out there and get it.

If you want a healthier, more loving family, you can’t dwell on the fact that you didn’t have that in your past. But what you can do, in the present, is love on your family.

When we are able to stay in the present and realize the gift that we have in the present, we can then surrender our past. When we are able to stay in the present and realize the gift that we have in the present, we can build the necessary capabilities in the present in order to realize that future.

There are three ways to stay in the present:

#1: We know one, we talked about it this whole time. Build the future by staying grounded in the present. Now again, I’m an advocate of leveraging your creative enterprise. Use your imagination and the theater of your mind in order to see what is or what could be. Bring that forward and say, what am I missing in order to realize this thing here in the future, and then build the necessary skills.

#2: We need to be grounded in gratitude. Gratitude opens up so much for us. You see in gratitude, we can realize the gifts and have an appreciation for the present. In gratitude we can understand what is valuable to us and in that value, again, we can surrender the past and we can shape the future.

#3: Equip yourself for the future. Again, we talked about this several times. When we are able to equip ourselves, we have to do the necessary work. We have to figure out what the gap is that we need to fill in and then we need to figure out how are we going to get there? Are we going to get a coach or we’re going to get a mentor? What education do we need to go and get how we’re going to achieve that education? Who do we need to talk to? What do we need to do in order to realize this thing?

You have more capability and more capacity than you could imagine. When we allow ourselves to get into our time machines and we go to the past, we become depressed and disappointed. Or we go into our time machines and project ourselves to the future we become anxious about the gap between the present and the future state. Stay in the present. The present is the gift of shaping a future outcome and surrendering of the past that you would have loved to change. This gift is not only a present for you but for everyone around you.

I’m Ralph Plaskett and thank you for joining me this week.

Take Control of Your Own Story


  • Discovery how stories affect our brains, especially the stories we tell ourselves
  • Learn how to control the narrative you’ve been told and author a story of your own
  • 3 ways to immediately realize the benefits of stories for your life
  • Watch the entire video to get the full lesson
  • Download the worksheet that accompanies this blog post so that you make the most of your learning
  • If you are an agent of change (coach, consultant, educator, etc) and seek to cause transformations in the lives of your clients, download the Human Transformation Canvas, free


Stories are amazing and absolutely fantastic. We just can’t get enough of them. We love them so much.

We’ve been telling stories since the dawn of language. In fact, even older than that. Some of the earliest cave paintings are 40,000 years old, if not older. We’ve been telling stories since the dawn of man, but here’s a really interesting thing. It’s not like it’s an old thing that we are, are, are enamored with stories. We love them today.

Stories at the box office, some of them gross $1 billion in a given month. That is amazing. If you don’t think that’s amazing, frankly, I think it’s fantastic how much we are so enamored with stories. You see there is a certain part of our brain called the Broca region. Broca. Did I say it right? Brooooccccaaaa. The broca region of our brain [is responsible for language processing]. See when we say very factual statements such as, “the lady sang a beautiful song” that’s the region of the brain that lights up.

It’s okay. It’s a beautiful song. But it doesn’t give us any intrigue. But if we were to say that same statement or the intention behind that statement in all of the benefits that a story gives us, our entire brain lights up.

So for instance, if we were to say, “The lady who sang in a velvety voice, sang like she had a choir of angels behind her.” You see, that type of language as we depict it in a story lights up our entire brain and causes our visualization functions to kick in. It causes our imagination to functions, to kick in. Frankly, it causes are sensory elements within our brains to kick in and we can literally see ourselves on a theater of our minds within that story. We can hear the lady, we can smell what’s in the air, we can taste the meal that we just had before she began singing.

We can involve ourselves in the story and that is exactly why stories are so powerful. They move us. You see, stories give us the ability to really deliver emotion. Stories give us the ability to pass on ideas and connect with people far greater than factual statements. Stories allow for cultural identity and traditions to be passed on well beyond the persons who’ve created them.

The question is, “what stories are you telling yourself?”

We all walk around with a narrative. In fact, we walk with two narratives. We walk around with a major narrative and a minor narrative. See our major narrative – this is the one I like – the major narrative is the story that we tell about ourselves. It’s who we are. It’s the identity that we hold. It is a value system that we believe in. It is all of the hope and dreams that we have of our lives, our career, our family. This is our major narrative.

The minor narrative, on the other hand, it’s a little bit more defeating. It’s the one that speaks to the demoralizing statements that you had as a child. It’s the one that says, “you will never become anything.” It is the one that speaks to your fears and your doubts. This is the minor narrative, but the minor doesn’t always stay the minor and the major doesn’t always stay the major. They interchange. And when the minor narrative, the one that is demoralizing and defeating becomes a major, we have a serious problem.

Let’s take this as an example. We have two people. They are presenting at a major conference. Let’s say there are 500 people at this conference. The morning of this conference, they both wake up and their palms are sweaty, their heart is racing, the feel a little light-headed even. These are all signs of fear and anxiety. These are the physiological effects of fear and anxiety for so many people.

Jane is the first person that we’re going to have in this conversation. And Jane, you see, she feels this and she wonders: “Am I ready for this presentation? Did I prepare enough? Oh, I should have prepared some more. What if I get up there and I forget everything that I was intended to say? What if they don’t think that I know what I’m talking about? Maybe I should not go for this presentation? I should just call it quits.” See Jane has allowed her minor narrative to overtake her major narrative.

Now Susan, on the other hand, has a different response. Susan’s palms are sweaty, her heart is racing. She has a little bit of shortness of breath and she reminds herself that she’s prepared for this. She understands that this physiological response is a response to fear and anxiety, so she reminds herself that she has prepared for this presentation. She reminds herself that she’s the only one who can deliver this presentation and if she doesn’t, there is no one else who can and these 500 people will be without the message that she has come to bring.

She slows her breaths. She focuses on her exhale. She uses a meditative technique like this to gain composure of herself and her mind. She recenters and realizes that what she was going through with simply the anxiety and the excitement of the presentation.

Who do you believe had a better presentation?

You see, we all have major and minor narratives and the way that we are able to put them in check is:

#1: Aligning Narrative:

We need to all have an aligning narrative that we can author. We are the author of our destiny and we need to get into the driver’s seat and author our narrative.It doesn’t have to be a bestseller at first, but we should have an understanding of what that narrative speaks to.

One of the best exercises I’ve seen in this case is to come from the standpoint of your obituary. What would it read like? I know this can be rather morbid…if you allow it to go there. What would your obituary read? How would the people in the room at your funeral respond? Will you have left a void? You see, from this standpoint, we can author the type of life that we would want to lead so that we knew exactly how it would be at the position of our death. We won’t be there, but we could know exactly how that’s gonna play out by leading a life aligned to our narrative.

#2 Recognizing The Opposition’s Story:

Like I said in the beginning, stories are amazing and they will weave their way into our minds and into our hearts without us even realizing it. So the opposition narrative can easily come in as a major narrative without us recognizing it. We need to be able to have our aligning narrative as our anchor. We anchor down and we say, “This is the position that I am taking. This is the narrative for my life. This is the narrative that I have authored.”

We have to be able to ask ourselves, whose story am I hearing or am I telling? Does it align with my narrative? Is this story defeating or is it purposeful?

When we’re able to ask ourselves these questions, we can realign to our aligning narrative. But first, we have to have one in the first place. So number one, have an aligning narrative. Number two, understand oppositions a story so that we can align back to our narrative and stay grounded.

#3 Establish a Support System:

And number three, we must have a support system. We can’t do this alone.

No matter how you construct your support system, if its friends and family, coaches and mentors; if it’s youtube channels and magazines that empower you and make you feel good and grounded in your position. No matter how you construct your support system, it must do three things.

  1. Obviously, it must be supportive.
  2. it must be accountable.
  3. it must be challenging. It must move you and challenge you forward.

You see, stories are amazing and we have the ability to write our own story. We have the ability to get into the driver’s seat and drive and author a story that we can be proud of, author, a story that moves us and other people forward. So then we can accomplish the very goals that we have set out to be.

How to Increase Your Self Awareness


  • Discover the 3 environmental elements that affect your self-awareness and your goal achievement
  • Learn what the perspective bubble is and how you must avoid it at all costs
  • The most common mistakes that people make once they understand this
  • Watch the entire video to get the full lesson
  • Download the worksheet that accompanies this blog post so that you make the most of your learning
  • If you are an agent of change (coach, consultant, educator, etc) and seek to cause transformations in the lives of your clients, download the Human Transformation Canvas, free.


Hey Growth Seekers. It’s Ralph Plaskett, author of the acclaimed book, Deepening Growth, and transformation coach to those seeking a deeper connection to purpose, clarity of identity, and effective pursuit of achievement.

Listen, have you ever had a feeling that the life you are leading doesn’t feel exactly right? Sure, everything might be good. You’ve to gain various levels of success and countless people around you shower you with praise or admire your achievements. Nevertheless, there is something missing, something just not right.

You might feel how are you to have this feeling that something isn’t right when so many things are going in your favor? The reality is, there is a void that you just can’t put your finger on. You are not alone. Frankly, there are more people who live in this state of existence than we are aware of.

I remember having a disorienting dilemma around my identity. There was a difference of I saw myself and the way that others saw me. It was the event that caused me to realize that something was just not right. Yes, everything was going well. I had everything that I wanted – a beautiful wife, two wonderful kids, and a promising career.

What I came to realize was that I wasn’t rightly relating to my authentic self. And that’s when I dove headfirst in leading an authentic life unbounded by my constructed beliefs and social norms.

Meet my client Jasmine. For the purpose of confidentiality, names have been changed. Jasmine had everything going on. She is a high achiever and what she focuses on, she accomplishes. She had a successful entrepreneur career in the high-stakes, highly political and competitive Washington DC market. She was viewed as a mentor and a leader among her peers. Yet in a few short years, she experienced two pivotal events that caused her to question everything.

Conventional knowledge would say to “shut up and color” meaning that one should stop complaining about all the good things going on in your life even if it is not exactly what you wanted and just go with the flow. But what kind of life does this lead to? Sure, based on social standards all the boxes are checked and therefore you’ve achieved what most would only dream of. Yet the reality is, social standards of success can and do lead to lives of quiet desperation and an empty unfulfilled existence.

When I began working together with Jasmin as her coach, there was a single theme that continued to come up during our sessions. Encompassed in a simple yet profound question – Who is Jasmine? – was the theme of clarity. And this is what I wanted to talk with you about today.

Before we can move into the clarity framework, it is important that we review the environmental conditions that have a significant effect on our clarity. There are three environmental conditions that we must be self-aware of in order to not allow them to unconsciously affect our psyche and its effects on our clarity.

Physical Environment

The first is the actual physical environment. The physical environment around us and the culture influenced by the environment plays a significant role in shaping our mental models that have an impact on the effectiveness of our personal clarity. You see the physical environment in part shapes our individuality.

Take two identical twins and for the purpose of this exercise, the emphasis is on their near-identical genetic makeup. Place these twins in separate physical environments – let’s say the great plains of Wyoming and the tropical isles of the U.S. Virgin Islands. The way that these twins adapt to their environments is based on the specific environment and as we can see they will be drastically different.

The physical environment shapes the way that we interact with the world and the people around us. The crowded streets of a big city like New York or Tokyo may cause someone to be more accepting of loud noises, people in close personal space, and busy. This may be just the opposite for someone who grew up in the small towns of the Great Plains.

This first environment also takes into consideration the micro-social environments such as family units and macro-social environments such as schools, neighborhoods, regions, countries, and cultures. Just listing all of these is a lot, so consider that effect and impact that these environments (the geographic and social) have on shaping who you are and its continued impact on your clarity.

The chief thing to remember here is that we are NOT our environment. Yes. It significantly contributes to our development and its impact on our clarity but it does not mold us in cement blocks, unable to move or change or adapt. We are living breathing creatures, but we are not plants. We can change, adapt, move, and shape ourselves into what we need to be to live a life that we are proud of.

Many people use their environments as the scapegoat of their excuses, the reason for their failures, the reason for their unhappiness. If this wasn’t true then there wouldn’t be rags to riches stories. If this wasn’t true then there wouldn’t be hope for 90% of the world’s population. The truth is, our greatest work is the exploration deep within to model ourselves to the achievement of our deepest ambitions. This brings me to our second environmental condition.

Mental Environment

The second is our mental environment. This environment describes how we interact in the world with others and the way that we view ourselves in the world. There are two illustrations that we are going to look at to succinctly describe the mental environment in the most action-oriented way that I know-how.

The first illustration is a framework known as the Karpman’s Drama triangle. The three corners of this triangle is represented by the victim, persecutor, and rescuer. The victim is described as the person who possesses a “whoa is me” attitude or the world is against me. The persecutor is described as the person who looks to blame anyone or anything outside of themselves. They are critical, blaming, oppressive, and controlling.

Lastly, the rescuer is described as the person that seeks to solve the problems of others while not addressing their own; what’s more, the rescuer enables both the victim and the persecutor personalities. Each of us has the ability to be in any one of these personalities at any given time in any given circumstance.

As you may have noticed, the drama triangle is well, full of drama and is associated with negative responses to the world around us.

The flipside of this is Emerald’s empowerment dynamic triangle. And you guessed it, it has three corners that represent the creator, challenger, and coach. Like the characters in the drama triangle, we are able to possess anyone of these characteristics at any given time. The creator characteristic is described as tapping into their passions to fuel the achievement of outcomes. They are focused on creating and moving things forward. The challenger is described as focusing on learning and growth. They are the ones who like to hold the creators accountable by building them up vs the persecutor who seeks to tear people down. Finally, we have the coach who uses compassion and active inquiry to help creators develop a vision and plan. They provide encouragement, support, and a safe space to design and improve actions.

If we look at both of these triangles, they both represent two distinct ways that we can view the world. One more positive than the other. One more empowering and liberating than the other. One focuses on growth while the other focuses on limits. Two ways to view and operate in the world and the choice is yours on which one you feel enables you to achieve your aspirations.

The goal is to be aware of how we are relating to others and which personality we are most displaying. We want to possess what I call the achiever personality where we relate rightly to the world around us, owning not only our good but also our bad and ugly circumstances; possess the resilience to handle difficult situations, and focus on achieving my aims.

Emotional Environment

The third and final environment is our emotional environment. I like to call this our emotional climate. This environment encompasses our emotions, moods, and feelings about ourselves and the world around us. All of these words may sound familiar but there are some key distinctions that when we understand them, we are more aware of the things that affect our states of being. For instance, moods are long-term effects of our state of mind. We essentially live in a mood. The mood is our baseline. Moods are not affected by external factors. Our emotions are short-term responses to external factors that have an effect on our mood. So our mood is our baseline not affected by external factors while our emotions are short-term instinctive responses to external factors.

And then there are feelings. Feelings are our conscious response to moods and emotions. If we had absolutely no control over our moods and emotions, then we have full control over our feelings. In our feelings we have the ability to respond differently than our emotions often do. Take the emotion of fear for example. In fear we have the feelings of fright, of being scared, of being anxious. These are typical responses. But we do not have to respond this way. In our feelings we have a choice. For instance – instead of responding to fear with feelings of fright, being scared or anxiety – we can redirect that energy to feelings of readiness and focus.

In the martial arts world, Aikido is a martial art form that was featured in countless 1990s films by Steven Seagal. This martial arts form is known for using the opponent’s own energy/attacks against them. Likewise, we can use the instinctive response to external factors known as emotions and redirect that energy to a more empowering feeling.

This is a powerful technique that you can begin employing today. You don’t have to be a zen master. You don’t have to practice 10,000 hours of meditation before you can begin. What you must do is become more aware of your mood, emotions, and feelings.

There is a common misconception that you should stop having bad emotions. As we just learned, emotions are natural instinctive responses. We don’t want to stop having those. They are built-in responses that have allowed humans to survive this long and allowed for you to get this far. What we want to do is move from surviving to thriving. We do this by changing how we respond to these instinctive responses to external forces; by changing the meaning of the feelings that we have when these emotions come up.

So let’s review. Here are the 3 ways to be more self-aware of your environment.

  1. You can choose not to be a product of your environment as they would say. Your physical environment plays a significant role in developing you as an individual. Becoming aware of how your environment has shaped you allows you to focus on the areas that require attention that will bring you closer to your wants out of life.
  2. You can either be the victim or the creator. The way you respond will determine the outlook of your future. How we relate to ourselves and the world around us determines how far we can climb.
  3. You have the ability to control your emotions by changing how you feel about them. Like the martial arts form – Aikido – you have the ability to shift the energy of your emotions to a more productive state. You can change how you feel about Fear, for example, and change it from fright to a feeling of readiness; from anxiety to a feeling of focus.

Here are the most common mistakes that people make once they understand this.

  • They reject everything that they hear and think that they have everything going on. Listen, even the most successful people in any area of life, understand that regardless of the level of achievement, there is more growth, that is required. Learning, especially about yourself, doesn’t stop.
  • They give up on the change because it is difficult. Look, change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and focused effort to do so. You will slip back into old habits. The goal isn’t to get frustrated when this happens, but recognize it for what it is and identify the triggers that caused you to revert back to those habits.
  • Which brings me to not becoming self-aware specifically, in identifying the triggers that you have around your habits and emotions. Your triggers are indicators on what causes you to do unproductive/disempowering things. Knowing what they are is half the battle. The other half is identifying the appropriate response to get the results you want.

Listen. You are a powerful person who has or can develop more control in your life by understanding the elements discussed in this video.

You are not stuck.

You are not a product of your environment.

You are capable of more than you imagine.

And that’s not just a cliche saying. I’ve studied human performance for a long time and I’ve dedicated my life to facilitating the transformation of persons to reach their highest potential. And one thing is for sure. You are capable of much more than you imagine. You have the capacity for greater things than you are even aware of. It will take work. It will take time. Anything worth doing is worth the work and time.

An Exercise of Trust


  • How our vacation to Mexico changed the way that we engaged with others
  • What is Trust Tolerance™ and the benefits it has on leading fulfilling and rewarding experiences
  • The 3 areas of Trust that we all have to explore at some point in our lives
  • Watch the entire video to get the full lesson
  • Download the worksheet that accompanies this blog post so that you make the most of your learning
  • If you are an agent of change (coach, consultant, educator, etc) and seek to cause transformations in the lives of your clients, download the Human Transformation Canvas, free.


About two years ago, my wife and I went on an amazing vacation to Mexico. And what made that vacation so great, so amazing, for us was that it took us out of our comfort zone. Really, we made a commitment that in order to have one of the best vacations that we’ve ever experienced, we had to go beyond our growth edge, beyond our comfort zone. We committed to trying new things which meant that we were going to take on risks that we wouldn’t normally take on. And in doing so, we had one of the best vacations ever. What’s more, we learned about ourselves and how we interacted with the world. Really, it was an exercise of trust. What we learned was our trust tolerance. A trust tolerance is made up of two things: security and vulnerability. As we looked at security, we’re concerned about the physical, emotional and psychological security. How much of our feeling of security are we willing to release in our trust of others? As we looked vulnerability, we are most concerned about psychological vulnerability. How much vulnerability are we willing to take on or engage in? The lessons that we learned through this experience of exercising our trust tolerance, we were able to apply to other areas of our life than just our vacations. We’ve taken and applied it in other areas of our lives and certainly in our businesses.

Trust In Strangers:

The first area of trust I want to cover is the trust in strangers. And when I’m talking about trusting strangers, I’m not talking about someone you are sort of familiar with. I’m talking about absolute strangers. When we went on vacation to Mexico, we knew no one. When we got there, we had to absolutely trust in the greatness of humanity. And can I tell you we thoroughly enjoyed the people we interacted with throughout our entire vacation. And it really reenergized our hope and trust in humanity and not be consumed with what we see in the news or the media. Trusting in strangers, allows us to stretch the limit of our self awareness. Before we develop our capability of trusting in strangers, we go in with a set of preconceived notions. But as we trust in others who we have no engagement, no relationship, no involvement with what we begin to learn is a greater self awareness of how we engage with others. Trusting in strangers open up avenues and channels for us to learn and experience other people’s worlds and in doing so it opens up our worldview and gives us the ability to have a greater empathy and an understanding of the world around us.

Trust In Yourself:

This second area of trust, which is tied to the trust in strangers, is trusting in yourself. Specifically, we were looking at trust in our decision making ability and trust in the ability to recover from any decisions that may not have gone as expected. So here’s the thing about decisions. Decisions move us forward. When we don’t have an ability to make decisions, we are stuck. What’s worse, we are stuck in quicksand and we’re sinking. We’re sinking into not being able to make a decision because we have a paralysis of analysis. We come up with every reason under the sun as to not make the decision and of why the decision is such a difficult one to make. Decisions move us forward. When we have the ability to trust in our decisions and trust in our ability to recover from decisions, that’s when we know we can take on a little bit more risk. We can take on a little bit more of an ability to say, “I am willing to do [this] because I have confidence in myself to make a decision that is going to be a good one or make a decision that I can recover from.”

Trust in the Safety Beyond the Comfort Zone:

The last area of trust is trust in the safety beyond the comfort zone. Every single person on this planet has a fear or concern about the unknown. You don’t walk boldly into the dark as you walk boldly into the light. As we have a concern about the unknown, the only way to resolve that concern is to make the unknown known. As we’re looking at our growth edge, we tend to be comfortable with the box that we live in…until we come closer to the edge and certainly beyond the box we are in. The only way to realize the value in everything that this edge provides is to go beyond it by making the unknown known. Once we reveal the unknown, it becomes known and that knowledge causes us to feel safe at what was once our growth edge. There’s safety beyond [the growth edge]. Even if you don’t know that [today] the safety is there. All we have to do is start to become more aware [not as trivial as I made it sound]. We start to press against the growth edge until the box [that we live in] begins to expand and we become comfortable in the unknown. You see, especially in the expert space, there is an understanding that we must know all things and the truth is we can’t know all things. We must learn to get comfortable in knowing that we can’t know all things. In these three areas, we’re evaluating our trust tolerance and when we’re able to do that, we can have a more fulfilling and engaging experience; relationships; business acumen [example of any area of life] for example. There you have it guys! This is an exercise of trust in three areas:
  1. Trust in strangers,
  2. Trust in yourself, and
  3. Trust in the safety beyond the growth edge.